Insecurity is the problem

Something that never ceases to bug me is when people, more often than not those don't even know their target, decide to belittle and taunt others, constantly pointing out what they, in their ill formed brainwashed by the media mind, have decided are flaws.

You cannot have debate with these people, you might as well just walk away, because they cannot do anything other than parrot the things they have been programmed to by the media.

If you are one of those insecure sanctimonious fools who feels the need to constantly put others down, to feel better about yourself and your miserable life, then I have news for you - there is no "normal" you might think you are normal, but who has dictated your idea of normal to you? The media? Yes no doubt, and since when does the media have a monopoly on what is or isn't normal?

There of course are those who point to supposed studies done by highly paid scientists, to provide the results they are supposed to, in what way does that make it fact? It doesn't. And when the media decides they no longer want those results, they will simply come up with another study to prove something else.

Then weak willed people will follow and think that is now normal and anyone who doesn't fit into that is a freak, or unhealthy, or a bad person. That is bullshit! Anyone with a brain can see that, so what does it say about those who try to force people to change and fit it?

Telling someone you don't even know that they are ugly, obese, too short, too tall, too skinny, unhealthy or whatever, is not helping them, so who does it help? The media of course, or should I say those who control the media, you know the ones who have products to sell, products that the weak willed need to fit in - you smell, no problem they have all kinds of chemical crap for you to spray all over yourself - you are too fat, no problem they have a diet plan or diet pills for you to take - you are too short, no problem they have these overpriced designer high heeled shoes that will cripple you - you are too ugly, no problem we have this chemical gunk for you to smear all over your face.... It goes on an on.

And don't you dare pretend you are insulting someone for their own good, you don't know the person and you certainly don't care about them, so stop pretending you do as an excuse to make remarks about their appearance. People only insult the appearance of others when they are insecure themselves. Your actions are no better than those of a school yard bully.

Next time you feel the need to tell someone they are too this or that, stop yourself and think about what you are doing and why.

I will also add that this is not a freedom of speech issue, it is about being a decent human being who shouldn't feel the need to make nasty comments about someone else's appearance, for no other reason than your own self hate and insecurity. 

Judeo-Christian Culture Is Better Than Any Other

It seems that everywhere I go on the internet these days Milo Yiannopoulos and his ill informed opinions are shoved down my throat.

What things are wrong with Milo Yiannopoulos? 

Well where do I start - he hates himself. He says he is gay, but wishes he wasn't because that would mean he was a better person and within the same breath he says that gay men have higher IQs! Well he obviously doesn't for coming out with complete nonsense like that.

He says lesbians don't exist, he quotes absolutely ridiculous research to try to prove his point. I guess he thinks that no human being could possibly not find men attractive. A woman has no need to pretend she doesn't fancy men, just like a gay male has no need to pretend he doesn't fancy women, it is what it is and no research done on a handful of women will change what women do or don't find attractive.

He says that the only good cultures in the world are the result of Judeo-Christian religions. PLEASE!! Just more proof of his hatred of women and himself. Judeo-Christian religions hate women just as much, if not more, than Islam does, they also hate gays! How soon one forgets the horrors of the inquisition - all those women burnt to death for daring to have opinions, or trying to heal someone, for having red hair, for having a birth mark, for being too pretty, for not letting a man shag her, or basically doing anything that a man didn't like!

How quickly people forget what living under these backwards religions is like. Maybe Milo and others who support Judeo-Christian religions should be forced to wear a Scold's Bridle, or be tied up and ducked into water until dead or burnt at the stake and see how they like putting up with how it was for women under Judeo-Christian culture!

If it wasn't for the enlightenment period where people started to use their brains we would still be in those dark ages of Judeo-Christian religion. 

Britain First, the political party, keep pushing the UK as a Christian country too. What is Stonehedge and all other ancient monuments? Scotch Mist? Maybe he thinks they were built by the Roman invaders who brought their hate filled religion to the shores of the UK? Nope, sorry, they were built by people who didn't worship Gods, they venerated nature and the natural cycles of the Earth and the planets that influence us here; they venerated their ancestors, as they knew that is where they came from and who they are. They knew they were not created by some imaginary sky daddy god, they came from their Mother and all life on Earth is nourished by the Great Mother Earth.

Milo Yiannopoulos is just an insecure, self hating, whingy, narcissistic, Catholic (yep, unlike most Catholics he admits he is gay and hates women), attention seeking little boy. So no need to watch his videos or read his rubbish.

Hoping he will just fade into the background and learn to shut up, doubtful, but we can but hope.

Hoping all religions will just fade into the background and learn to shut up too, but that is also doubtful, too many insecure idiots like Milo support them.

Living with misophonia

Misophonia is no joke, it can be hell for those who suffer from it, and the worse thing about it is the people who you care about most, like family, friends and your partner, that are the ones who are doing the things that set the misophonia off. If you tell them that their slurping, chomping, sniffing, insistent throat clearing, tapping, scrapping and bashing of dishes while eating, other clicks and mouth noises drive you nuts, they either get angry at you or think it is funny to do it all the more. Or it is like they think it has gone away and that the next time they are near you and start heavy breathing into their glass and gulping down their drink, that it won't bother you this time. Well it does.

I am in no way pretending I don't have habits that are annoying to other people, but if I knew I was doing something that was making someone feel physically sick, then I wouldn't want to cause that in someone, so I would avoid doing it in front of them.

The Symptoms of Misophonia

The literal definition of misophonia is hatred of sound but a person with misophonia does not simply hate all sound. People with misophonia have specific symptoms and are sensitive to only certain sounds. Any sound can become a problem to a person with misophonia but most are some kind of background noise. 

Exposure to one of these sounds elicits an immediate negative emotional response from a person with sound sensitivities. The response can range from moderate discomfort to acute annoyance or go all the way up to full-fledged rage and panic. Fight or flight reactions can occur. While experiencing this a person may become agitated, defensive or offensive, distance themselves from the trigger or possibly act out in some manner.

The people closest to the person with misophonia often elicit the sounds that affect them. This can make personal relationships difficult and stressful. An environment known to include these sounds can limit social activities when a person with misophonia anticipates a problem. In some cases, a person with misophonia can become socially isolated and pull back from family and friends in an attempt to reduce the associated physical symptoms that they experience (tension, headache, tightening jaw, stomach issues, etc.).

I know myself from my childhood if anyone picks up a banana I am out of there, the eating of bananas make some of the worse chomping sounds. People who lick their fingers and make slurping noises as they do drive me mad. I tense up, hutch my shoulders and try my best to ignore it and hope that goes away, if it doesn't go away quickly I am likely to get a headache and neck pain, which often leads to a migraine. It also causes my already delicate stomach to do somersaults and can start up IBS.

When exposed to one of these sounds, some people feel the need to mimic what they hear. Mimicry is an automatic, non-conscious social phenomenon. It can have a calming effect and make the situation feel better to the person experiencing stress. There is a biological basis for how mimicry lessens adverse reactions to triggers because it evokes compassion and empathy.

Actually I think people will get angry at me if I do this, and at times I can't help doing exaggerated sounds like they are making. To me it is showing them how bad it sounds, but they don't understand why it bugs me so much.

People with misophonia can be reluctant to share their symptoms with others because sharing can have several different outcomes. Reports from sufferers indicate that sometimes people purposefully mock them with offending noises (at times exaggerating them as well). Also, sometimes family, friends, co-workers and others minimise the problem. A person with misophonia is sometimes told to “just try to ignore that sound,” or “you’re just being difficult,” or “don’t let it get to you.” Suggestions like these are not helpful. And people with misophonia often say that if they could simply choose to ignore the sounds, they would have made that choice a long time ago.

On the other hand, there are those who are supportive and offer encouragement. Anyone with a problem or difficulty appreciates a helping hand now and then. If you know someone with misophonia and want to help them cope with the disorder, all you need to do is ask what you can do to help.

As I talked about in the Elven Ears article I wrote, I already have very sensitive hearing, which is why I like there to be no sound at all most of the time and it is great when I can control that. But sometimes I can't.

If you know someone who suffers from misphonia, please don't assume they are just being awkward or offensive to you.



Sources

My own experience and misophonia.com

Psychopaths Don't Need An Excuse To Try To Ruin You

Don't be fooled into thinking that if someone has become a victim of a psychopath that they some how deserved it - no smoke without fire - is what people who have never encountered a psychopath will say! The only thing you need to do to become the victim of a psychopath is to encounter one. If you insult them in some way, YOU WILL become a victim of them. It can be something as simple as rejecting their sexual advances, ignoring an email from them, wearing the wrong colour top (yes psychopaths often identify with a certain political party, sports team, gang, or even religion). It doesn't matter if you do or don't do anything, if they want to ruin you they will, with or without a reason. Or should I say try to ruin you?

Recently I was talking to a man online, he was looking at my blog and then because he knew my name he decided to snoop on me and found those rip off reports that that psychopathic criminal and gang member Dean Branch made about me. I just showed him the links to rip off reports about him, as he is a known criminal and tried to blackmail me, saying he would ruin me if he didn't get his way.

So he put the reports up about me, saying a load of bullshit and what does this man online say to me: "He seems crazy enough, but there's no smoke without fire..." Actually there is, as I say above a psychopath doesn't need an excuse to try to ruin you, but Dean had one, I was ignoring him and hoping he would go away. He posted all over FB and everywhere, trying to get me to talk to him, when I didn't he said he was going to ruin me. Sounds familiar? Anyone who knows all the crap I went through when I became a female Bishop will know another psychopath also threatened to ruin me, because he didn't like me being a Bishop. You see, this is what psychopaths do, they try to ruin people when they don't get their own way.

I have known 5 psychopaths in my life, these are just two of them.

Psychopaths don't need an excuse to do the things they do, they do them because they can.

As for the man online who assumed the worse of me, lucky escape for me. If someone is so stupid that they believe lies up on the internet about someone who is in the public eye, they will believe anything. Everyone gets lies told about them when they are in the public eye and they all get bad publicity. Some people believe it and others aren't so easily fooled.

Is one child enough?

With the mounting problems overpopulation is bringing to the planet, many morally conscious couples will question whether they should have children at all, or maybe just one is enough? This article is about the problems and advantages of having just one child.

There are lots of advantages for having just one child. The child will not have to share the love and attention of the parents with other siblings, the parents will have more money for the child's upbringing and education than if they have several children. The first born child is always the golden child, the one who gets most of the attention and the best of everything, where as second children just get hand me downs and a life full of being an after thought and second best, this is avoided when you only have one child. There will be no favouritism in a one child family and no sibling rivalry.

Studies have shown that often first born children are not only more intelligent and healthier than second born children, they also do better in life than their younger siblings. If you grow up feeling loved and wanted, you are much more likely to develop strong and healthy, those who are brought up feeling unloved often lag behind in their mental development, and have the tendency to have physical and mental health problems. Of course there are always exceptions, but in general this has been found to be true.

Parents might think they are treating all their children equally, even if they do secretly admit to themselves that they have a favourite. But children are very perceptive and the second born will know they are not as important and often won't try at school. They grow up with a sense of not being good enough, they are doomed to be the black sheep of the family and in their teenage years will often play up on this, usually as a cry for help and attention seeking. They don't feel loved and will probably suffer throughout life with depression and many failed relationships, deep down they don't feel like they deserve to be loved. If given the choice would you be a first or second born?

The bad side of having one child - the spoilt brat syndrome - oh yes, we all know someone with this. The child who has been mollycoddled by their parents so much that they have a sense of entitlement that continues on into their adulthood. It can lead to terrible mood swings when they don't get their own way. Children with no siblings can get too much attention from their doting parents and end up never wanting to leave home, the big bad world is scary to them because they have lived a life of being wrapped in cotton wool. And although the only child might excel at school and in academia, they rarely want to leave their home town to pursue their career to the full. They need an extra push to do things. Sometimes the only child might meet and marry someone who provides this push they need and with this they can achieve great things.

As the only child is a first born they usually have excellent health, however they have a tendency to be hypochondriacs. This is because it gets them even more attention and affection from their doting parents.

Having siblings can be positive in many ways too, especially if they are of a similar age. They can look out for each other, protect each other and learn to share their toys. These are all positives to having more than one child.

So there is good side to having one child and a bad side, although the bad sides are things that can be corrected easily with better parenting skills. The child also needn't miss out having something similar to a sibling if you have friends with similar aged children.

Do you think the bad side of having just one child outweighs the good?

The Scapegoat

I am often a scapegoat for the unbalanced and unstable amongst us. This world is full to the top with unbalanced, unstable people who secretly hate themselves, but show outwardly a saint-like appearance, a mask.

This is something I have wrote about often, everyone's need to demonise those who are happy, balanced and somewhat outspoken and blunt.... How dare someone say something that the insecure are secretly thinking themselves, but dare not say publicly! How dare they have the confidence to not care what other people think about them! When the whingy little victim who is offended and triggered by anything and everything is so scared to offend anyone.

A scapegoat is very welcome to these unbalanced people, what a relief it is for them to get angry and hateful towards a target other than themselves for a change.

They cry when they are alone, cry for the sake of crying, cry because they are still stuck in victimhood and childhood, they are scared to grow up and face the facts.

Everyone does have a dark side, and think things that they are scared to admit to when they are insecure. Acting like the sun shines out of your arse and then attacking anyone who dares to say those things is scapegoating. It is using the other person as mirror, you see yourself and your dark side in them, you see them saying the things you have thought yourself and you don't like those thoughts, usually because of peer pressure, brought on through programming by the mainstream media. This is the true meaning of the phrase "I am a mirror" I have said this to people when they attack me for no other reason than them being offended by something I have said, another name for it is "projection".

The phrase "I am a mirror" is also used incorrectly by the new age movement, turning words against us yet again. I have talked about this in another article here. To those people it means they will reflect back any negative thoughts that others say, like a shield that helps them bury their head in the sand and stop them having to face things. All this does is mean they ignore other people who talk sense to them, ignore their own dark side and keep it all to themselves, they won't admit to their bad thoughts or anything negative at all in the world. They feel they don't need to work on themselves spiritually, because they are already enlightened - naive enlightenment. Then when a scapegoat appears they use all that negative energy they have been denying and keeping to themselves, and they spew hate, they swear, they call you horrible nasty things and all that bitterness and resentment, of themselves, comes flowing out.

I know why people attack me and continue to deny their own faults, and their own dark side. But at times it can be hard for me to cope with, I am not invincible, I do have feelings too! If it is someone I don't know I will often just block them and move on, I realise they are not ready to face their fears and work on themselves, and anything I say to them will either fall on deaf ears or be purposely misconstrued and used to further their attack on me. It is better to just walk away and let them think I am pure evil, ignorant or stupid, or whatever insult they can think of to push on me, then they don't have to look within and deal with their own daemons.

Yeah I am often a scapegoat, but it isn't like I don't know why.

Also see this, this and this.

Is Friday 13th Unlucky?

Tomorrow is is Friday 13th, but don't be worried, it is just a day like any other.

13 has been demonised because it is associated with the lunar calendar which females who are menstruating follow. Before we had solar calendars of 12 months, we had lunar, which had 13 months.

Religions have always tried to demonise everything feminine, even being left handed was the work of the devil as left is seen as feminine and right masculine. In Latin left is sinistra (root of sinister). 

Friday was demonised because it is Freya's day, the only day of the week associated with a Goddess, rather than a God.

Put them both together and you have the most evil and unlucky day ever! Well maybe it is to those trying to hide and cover up the Divine Feminine. 

Find out more here.

I like it, I'm just not willing to pay for it

I have been taking the time to create some handcrafted items lately, and I have put them up for sale on our Alchemist's Laboratory shop web site.

I then got this email from the sites contact form:

"I like those pentagrams you make and was about to buy one, then I saw the price, what f**king rip off!"

This was my reply:

Dear Mrs X,

Thanks for your email, and your feedback. I thought I would take the time get back to you
and explain a few things about those pentagrams I make.

For a start they take between one and a half and two days to make, that is one person working
on them all day until they are finished. They are also made up of materials that have
been paid for upfront in order for them to be made. Also while making them the artist needs
lighting and warmth to work properly.

If you take the UK minimum wage of £7.20 an hour, for the 16 hours it takes someone
to make one, that would be over £115. That is without the cost of the materials or
the heating and lighting which is also required to make them.

So quite frankly, if you want to spend that amount of time and money creating something
for yourself, go ahead. However, if you like the product and you think it is overpriced,
I am terribly sorry, but as you can see above, it is actually underpriced.


Thank you for your email, but on this occasion I am afraid the "nearly a customer" isn't right.

Kind regards

The Alchemist's Laboratory

I survived a psychopath

This was a long time ago, I am now outside the country and feel I can at last post about this and I doing so in the hope that if this is happening to someone else, if you have read this, you won't be one of the ones who abandon someone.

I survived a psychopath, who isolated me and tried to kill me. I did that alone, because no one would or could help. Everyone thought he was such a great guy because he had the narcissistic superficial charm of a psychopath, and I have always been an introvert. When he tried to murder me and was taken away by the police, the police also thought he was a great guy and that it was me, the cheating slut of a girlfriend that was in the wrong, even though I had never cheated on him. My so called friends disappeared, and just left me to be murdered by that psycho, they were never my friends and if you abandon someone because they are in a violent relationship that they have no idea how to get out, then you are not a friend at all. If you don't know the signs to look for you might just think your friend no longer cares about you and so you shouldn't care about them either. If a friend says they are not allowed to call you or go out with you anymore. They are not saying that because they don't want to call you or see you anymore, it is because they are being threatened.

As much as I wanted to escape my relationship with a psychopath I couldn't, because he knew my family and where they lived and every time he knew I was upset with him, he would threaten to do something to my Mum or brother's car or property, or even them. Psychopaths also systematically groom all the people around you, turning them against you. I had no idea my ex had been talking to all my neighbours, telling them to spy on me because I can't be trusted and that I am a slut. And that he is such a good guy. Because I have always been an introvert and never really talked much to neighbours and keep myself to myself, they just believed him. Being an introvert is not a bad or evil thing, but when a psychopath finds an introvert, they are so much easier to isolate and ruin completely.

You might wonder how I ever got involved with him in the first place. Well when I first met him he also had all the superficial charm that he used on me. He made me feel so special, treated me so good and was so romantic and kind. He would write messages in lipstick on the mirror, leave me notes all round the place, make food in the shape of hearts, tell me how wonderful I am, buy me flowers. It wasn't until he knew I had fallen for him and his act, that the mask slipped and the true him came to the surface. He had already met all my family and they all thought he was such a great guy, because that is how he came across when you first met him.

When he showed his true colours he would say things like - all women are sluts - and would go on and on about the women from his past who cheated on him. I would try my best to prove to him that I am not like that and I am different, but nothing I ever did was good enough. Actually from that point on everything I ever did was wrong. I wasn't allowed to be in the bathroom alone for too long because he thought I might be secretly texting someone from there. I wasn't allowed to go for a drink after work with work friends. He had a tracking device fitted to my car. I didn't know about it at the time, but he always knew where I was. He would refuse to go to any family events or even just go to see them. He stopped me doing anything at all that didn't involve him. All the time I was trying to get things back to how they were in the beginning, I just wanted to make things wonderful again like they were at first, I didn't know at the time that that had all been an act.

After he tried to murder me it finally sunk in that the man I met and the man who was now in my life are two different people and the first one I met wasn't real. I wanted to escape the relationship and eventually did, on his terms not mine. He had used me up, there was nothing left of me at that point. I was broken and he knew it and so wanted a fresh target.

I did build myself back up, after a long time of treating myself like he did, thinking I was worthless and didn't deserve happiness. But he didn't completely ruin me and he didn't murder me, he might have done and all those so called friends would have just sat back and let it happen. We should all care about one another more and not give up on someone when we see someone trying to isolate them, as it is very dangerous for them when it happens.

I am lucky that I got out of it alive, my Mum was the only one who really knew what was going on and she didn't even know the half of it. I am lucky, every man I have ever dated has been a wonderful guy, there was only this one who was a psychopath. Often people don't know this happened to me, I don't talk about it much and it isn't like every man I have met since then I have thought would be like him. It just means I can spot them sooner and so avoid getting into something like that again.

If you care about someone, make sure they know that and that they come to you for help if they need it.

The Slipping Mask

Have you ever noticed that when you do something really good and positive, hardly anyone, if anyone at all, notices or acknowledges it? But if you do or say something that offends someone, suddenly everyone notices and you are attacked by a bunch of people who demonise you or try to make out you are a terrible person?

This is the dark side thing again. People resent people for doing good things that they themselves wish they could or would do themselves, if only they could be bothered. They love it when they notice those "good" people doing something they can pretend to be offended about, then they can rip into them.

It is the unbalanced who cannot admit to their dark side that love this type of attack. They just love to demonise others then they can feel better about the nasty ugly thoughts that go around in their heads, but would never publicly admit to. They wear a mask, pretending they are lovely people who would never ever say something like that to offend someone, while attacking the person who is their target for daring to speak their mind.

They even go so far as to say that the person who dares to speak their mind is being judgemental, as they themselves sit in judgement of the one they are attacking.

These unbalanced people are easy to spot once you know how, their mask always slips eventually.

Working For Free

A Mug - British Slang. a gullible person; dupe; fool.

I do work for free, so it is hard for me to talk about this. I write my blogs for free, make videos for free, help people on our Church course for free, take time to do graphics for all our sites for free. I do interviews for free. I do it because I don't have much of an option, we live in a world where everyone wants everything for free and our sites rely on me and others working for free, otherwise the information we provide would never be discovered, and it has been hidden (occult) for long enough already, like thousands of years. Some are kind enough to buy the things I produce, such as books and products on some of the sites, which helps, and some even make donations, which help with the overheads of running a charity.

People ask: Why isn't the Church course free. Why do I have to pay an admin fee when I join your Outer Order. Running a charity isn't free. By law you have to pay for an Accountant every year. Also there are the hosting fees for the sites, the domain name fees, the cost of supplies and postage. They all mount up and that has to be covered before we can use anything for the causes we are raising money for, like Theomerla.

I am however, maybe, a hypocrite then when I say people shouldn't have to work for free. I am volunteering my time to the Church and Order, but that doesn't mean I don't need money to pay my bills with and other living costs. Everyone needs money in this kind of system.

Unfortunately, unpaid work has become so common that people have an embedded notion that they deserve no compensation for their work. So much so, that they even give arguments as to why this system should be perpetuated.

Freud called this defence mechanism "Rationalisation", more recently a very interesting line of research in Social Psychology has named this process "System Justification Theory" and has found strong evidence about how and why it develops.

System Justification Theory (SJT) is a theory of social psychology that postulates that people are motivated, often unconsciously, to bolster, defend, and justify the status quo–-that is, the prevailing social, economic, and political systems. The term “system” is, intentionally, loosely defined to include a wide array of such arrangements and institutions from relationship dyads to family systems, to corporations and organizations, to economic systems and governments, thus the effort is to identify the general social psychological processes that play out in variety of social establishments.

System Justification Theory seeks to address, from a social psychological prospective, the ultimate question of why despite the prevalence of systems of inequality, injustice, and exploitation, resistance and collective action for change, even by those who suffer most from such systems, are relatively rare.

In my opinion the exploited don't seek change, because that would mean they would have to live with the fact that they are being a mug right now, no one wants to admit they are being a mug, apart from me, I admit it. I do too much for too little, I have self respect and know I deserve more and that is why I will say that working for free is wrong. But in true hypocritical fashion I will say that I don't think that the other people who help out in our Church and Order are being mugs, because they know I am not getting anything myself, so have nothing to give them. Bit different than when a corporation asks writers, models, photographers or designers to work for free, for a job that they say will look good in their portfolio, when they CAN afford to give them something, they just don't want to.

I have been attacked for saying people should be paid for their work, called a hypocrite because I am doing everything here for free. And as I explain above, I probably am. Hopefully in the future it won't be a problem, Theomerla is the dream, and the dream is to be self sufficient and live in a care, share and trade type system... but that is only just getting started and we have a long way to go. So I and others like me will continue to be mugs as we work towards permanent change.

Big thanks to those who are supporting our efforts and anyone who wants to give any help, in whatever way you can, please speak up, we need more mugs like us. :)

Confession Time

I make mistakes, I have and do make a lot of mistakes. I am not good at getting my point across, especially in text conversations, but also in other ways. I can sit here writing my blog and get my thoughts down pretty easily. But I never have any idea how many people will be offended by my writing, because the world is a magical place filled with people who are waiting to be offended by something.

I remember years ago a moderator on a forum decided to delete one of my posts, because someone had a go at me and they took the other person side, even though it was the other person who attacked me for no reason whatsoever, other than her being offended by something I said and taking an instant dislike to me. In private messages the moderator basically told me if I didn't like what she did I was welcome to leave, and I said I would. She was being irate and nasty, full of stress and anxiety. I told her to calm down, because stress can make you ill and can even cause cancer, it isn't worth worrying about I said. I basically didn't want her getting all worked up over something as stupid as a forum post. It wasn't until about a year later that someone who knew the woman came to me and said that I was a horrible nasty person for wishing cancer on to someone! I couldn't believe what I was hearing, talk about someone taking an innocent comment and reading something else into it. But it shouldn't have surprised me, the woman who knew her also decided that I was a bad person because of something she misinterpreted in a text message and then proceeded to spread lies and bs about me to everyone, including the cancer comment, which was twisted and used against me. Almost like the comment I made to the moderator was the proof she needed! I would go as far to say that this women was an attention seeking insecure narcissist, and couldn't wait to put me down, she had decided in her mind I had higher value than her, as she constantly tried to impress me when around, bragging and boasting about how wonderful she is. I am sure that all those who suddenly dropped me, on her say so, eventually found out the truth about her when her mask slipped and she revealed her true self.

I understand why these people try to make out I am such a bad person, it is because they hate themselves, but would never admit that, so they project this on to other people. Having work in the public eye I do put up with these types of thing on a daily basis now. The constant comments under my Youtube videos and on my pages. I know I am not alone with this, anyone who puts anything out into the public domain also puts up with this. The angry and insecure people of the world feel it is their right to go about harassing people because they hate themselves and want to project all the nasty things about themselves on to others. I get that, I really do, I know it isn't easy facing your own dark side. So I know why they do it and have learnt to not take it personally, after all, they don't even know me.

It is one thing when this happens and it is people I don't even know, but when it is someone I do know, or thought I knew and they keep projecting their sorrow, anger and frustrations on to me, being nasty and abusive and expecting me (the strong one) to put up with it, it is heart breaking. You care about someone, but you also don't want this cycle of abuse to continue. You already know they have been given the tools to look within, but instead they put you on a pedestal and look up to you, then get so upset and disappointed when you make the slightest slip or do something they feel is wrong. They are ready to put you down and try to make you suffer, because you are supposed to be the strong one, the enlightened one, the one who knows better.

Well I have never ever said I can do no wrong and I have never ever said that I should be on a pedestal, or that I am special or don't make mistakes, because I do. Sorry to disappoint you. I even have times when I feel like I can't cope and need to get away from everything and everyone. I get ill too and lonely. But one thing is for sure, if I let you into my world it means I care about you and when you hurt me like this it makes me think I was stupid for ever caring about you in the first place.

No matter how spiritually aware, or how strong and independent you think someone is, it doesn't mean that they won't be affected by your actions, and it doesn't mean they should have to put up with your bad behaviour just because you are too scared to face your daemons.

Imagine if everyone in the world learnt to know the darkness that they have within themselves and stopped projecting it on to others, and also learnt to never set high standards for others by putting them on a pedestal, when you should be doing that to yourselves. When you are great give yourself praise and when you are bad or feeling down, rather than project it on to others or take it out on others, have a word with yourself, think carefully about what is causing those emotions, you could even write a blog post about it. You have the power to heal you.

So we all make mistakes, I handle things wrong a lot of the time and can come across as insensitive, no need to sit in judgement of me or others for that, we are each responsible for that ourselves. If someone upsets you with something they say, tell them and I am sure they will try to explain that they didn't mean it the way you thought. But don't just hate them, life is too short to hate someone who probably cares a lot about you.