The Motherhood Mandate: Not All Women Are Maternal

The expectation that all women should be maternal is neither natural nor inevitable. Rather, it is the product of deeply rooted historical and sociological forces that have long linked femininity to caregiving. This phenomenon, often described as the “motherhood mandate”, positions nurturing, self-sacrifice, and domestic responsibility as defining features of womanhood. Despite social progress and expanding opportunities for women, this mandate continues to shape cultural norms, personal expectations, and institutional structures, often to the detriment of women who do not conform to it.

As a woman who has never wanted children, does not particularly enjoy being around them, and has no desire to take on caregiving roles, I am frequently met with anger when I fail to meet expectations imposed on me. That experience is what compelled me to address this topic.

At the heart of this expectation lies the historical construction of gender roles. In many societies, particularly in the West, the division between public and private spheres solidified during the industrial era. Men were associated with paid labour, politics, and public life, while women were relegated to the domestic sphere and made responsible for child-rearing, emotional labour, and household management. Motherhood became not merely something women did, but something women were. Femininity itself was redefined around reproductive and nurturing capacities, making maternal behaviour appear synonymous with womanhood.

This historical framing persists in modern social structures. Even as women participate fully in education and the workforce, they are still expected to shoulder the majority of caregiving labour. Studies consistently show that women perform more unpaid domestic and emotional work than men, regardless of employment status. The motherhood mandate thus functions as a form of invisible labour expectation, one that is moralised rather than negotiated. Women who embrace motherhood are praised for fulfilling their “natural” role, while those who resist or reject it are often framed as selfish, incomplete, or deviant.

A key mechanism sustaining this mandate is the myth of an innate “maternal instinct”. Popular discourse frequently suggests that women are biologically predisposed to nurture, love children unconditionally, and find fulfilment in caregiving. While caregiving abilities can certainly be developed, the notion that they are instinctual and exclusive to women lacks scientific grounding. Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that nurturing behaviours are shaped by socialisation, experience, and context, not sex alone. Men and child-free women are all capable of profound care, yet cultural narratives continue to present maternal instinct as both universal and compulsory for women.

This myth is reinforced through cultural media. Films, television, literature, and advertising regularly portray motherhood as a woman’s ultimate purpose or emotional climax. Female characters who reject motherhood are often punished narratively and depicted as cold, damaged, or later “redeemed” by embracing maternal roles. Conversely, men are rarely defined solely by parenthood. Fatherhood is treated as an addition to identity, not its foundation. These asymmetrical portrayals normalise the idea that a woman’s value lies in her capacity to care for others, particularly children.

Patriarchal social structures further entrench these expectations. When caregiving is feminised, it becomes devalued economically and socially. Unpaid domestic labour is rarely recognised as work, yet it underpins entire economies. By framing caregiving as women’s natural duty rather than skilled labour, patriarchal systems absolve institutions and men of responsibility for providing adequate support, such as affordable childcare, parental leave, or flexible working arrangements. The motherhood mandate thus operates not only as a cultural belief, but as a structural mechanism that maintains gender inequality.

Challenging the motherhood mandate requires disentangling femininity from caregiving. This does not mean devaluing motherhood or maternal labour, but rather recognising it as one valid path among many, not a moral obligation tied to gender. True reproductive and personal freedom includes the right to embrace motherhood, reject it, or redefine it on one’s own terms. It also requires broader cultural shifts, including representing diverse forms of womanhood in media, redistributing care work more equitably, and dismantling the idea that nurturing is inherently female.

Ultimately, the expectation that all women should be maternal is less about biology than about power. It reflects a long-standing social order that benefits from women’s unpaid labour, emotional availability, and self-sacrifice. By naming and interrogating the motherhood mandate, we create space for more expansive and humane understandings of femininity. These allow women to be caregivers, creators, leaders, or none of the above, without having their worth called into question.

In ancient times when their where only Serpent Bloodline women and no men, women got to choose their roles, some of the women wanted to look after the childten, others wanted to hunt, others gather, others make clothing, and sometimes a good mix of them all. No one was forced into roles they did not naturally feel drawn to. The Motherhood Mandate is a modern idea that has been used to keep women out of the way.

So please, don't just expect that a woman with a soft voice and a curvious feminine body wants to mother you and your children, for some us it is simply not what we are made for.